March 2023 www.womanthismonth.com 70 Children will lie, tell fibs, stretch a tale and tattle-tale—it’s actually a sign of intelligence. Nevertheless, lying is sometimes inappropriate and as parents it can be difficult to deal with lies. Lies can come in many shapes and forms—fantasy, wishful thinking, a way to deal with hurt feelings, or the hopes of avoiding consequences and punishment. What they all have in common is the fact that lies are words strung together to create a reality in your child’s mind and world. Children are not always lying to be deceitful, dishonest or bad. Recognising the type of lie can be a really powerful tool to best deal with the situation at hand. CHILDREN WILL TELL LIES! To help children learn the value of honesty and integrity, aside from modeling these very values in daily interactions, it is also helpful to understand the different types of lies. Ouiam El Hassani explains why children lie and what reactions can be helpful or hurtful. Children tell lies as expressions of wishful thinking “At my friend’s house, their mom said I can have 10 pieces of candy and don’t need to brush my teeth.” Such lies are reflections of what a child is wishing for. What to do: Acknowledge the ideas behind the lies while also offering alternatives that are empathetic and reflect your values. For instance, you can trying saying, “Oh 10 pieces of candy would be delicious and tooth brushing can take a while. It’s just not healthy for you, I care about you and your teeth. How about two pieces of candy and we can sing a song while brushing?” It’s perfectly okay to stick to your values and set a limit. What is important is to recognise your child’s wishes and communicate that so he knows you are listening. What to avoid: Try not to lecture or tell your child their wishes are unimportant. Children lie as a means of exploring fantasy and their imagination “I just saw a hippopotamus cross the street and put on a purple hat.” or “There is a space alien living inside my closet and who likes to eat pizza.” These lies are fantasies, stories or imaginative play at its very best! These are commonly told by preschoolers and are an exploration of reality and fantasy. What to do: These lies can be left alone or simply used to fuel an imaginative conversation. What to avoid: Try not to tell your child they are being ridiculous or silly as it can crush their creativity and these fibs are actually very healthy expressions of play. LIFESTYLE | opinion
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